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I began writing this post before the war on Iran, when the Epstein Files were still dominating the news. Since the issues raised by the files remain as salient as ever, I decided to go ahead and publish, even as attention turns to the catastrophe in the Middle East.
Resonant World #178
I’d hesitated to post the video I made on men, women and the Epstein Files a few weeks ago because it felt vulnerable to share my response to the revelations. I also knew that any meaningful intervention on a topic that cross-cuts so many strata of collective and inter-generational trauma would inevitably provoke mixed reactions. (Resonant World #177: The Epstein Files as a Mirror For Men).
What I found most instructive was receiving criticism from women who argued that elements of what I’d said or written had been phrased in such as a way as to perpetuate the very dynamics I’d aimed to help address: men invisibilising women, diminishing their experience, or appropriating their ideas, for example. .
There was a time, maybe not that long ago, when I would have taken these criticisms personally. Lamenting the “circular firing squad” of progressivism, I might have concluded that it would have been better to stay silent if attempts at solidarity were to be met with such acerbic responses. In other words, my conditioned defencence mechanisms would have prevented me from recognising the blind spots these women had taken the trouble to try to point out.
These days, I’m doing my best to heed the guidance of David Rico, a psychotherapist whose writing I found very helpful some years back, who counsels us to always look for the “grain of truth” in criticism we receive — even if we don’t necessarily agree with every word.
I discovered that when I was able to over-ride my impulse to defend myself, and sit with the “ouch” I felt at a particular comment for enough time to metabolize it (up to a day), and then share sincere appreciation for the feedback, something shifted.
The tone of the comments changed from accusatory to supportive.
And I was able to see dimensions of the collective patterns that habitually unfold between men and women that had previously been hidden to me.
In several of these interactions, I felt like a few molecules of the trauma architecture standing between men and women for, say, the last 5,000 years or so, had been dissolved.1
I don’t have a huge following. I’m talking about a handful of comments, on posts that received maybe a couple of thousand views. But, in line with Karen O'Brien’s work on quantum social change, I believe these instances of micro-reconciliation matter. To paraphrase the spiritual teacher Patrick Connor — karma is finite; light is infinite. Every spark of new awareness has an illuminating power an order of magnitude larger than the frozen trauma loops it dissolves.
In my earlier life, I could never have imagined feeling called to the work of addressing the collective trauma fields that divide men and women. But somehow, since my early pre-pandemic forays into men’s work, subsequent years of training with Thomas Hübl, and my current work with Jacob Kishere in the Resonant Man international men’s initiative, this call has been sounding more loudly. (By the way, if you’d like to experience our Thursday or Sunday weekly men’s circles, we’re offering men a chance to participate in four consecutive sessions for free before deciding whether to commit. Drop me a line if you’d like to find out more).
‘Collective Alchemy’
Soon after I published the Epstein video and accompanying post, I also received the unexpected blessing of a last-minute opportunity to be in dialogue with Cynthia Brix and Will Keepin of Gender Equity and Reconciliation International (GERI) for What is Collective Healing?
Cynthia and Will shared what they’ve learned through decades of working with the ancient wound of gender dysfunction by creating spaces for people to share the deepest truths of their experiences as women, men and non-binary people.
Through GERI, Will, Cynthia and their global collaborators aim to catalyse a form of “collective alchemy” that builds community by dissolving longstanding barriers to mutual understanding and empathy.
“One of the deepest patterns we’ve noticed in our 34 years of this work is that untold stories keep gender oppression both invisible and intact,” Will told me. “We are all living in cultures and in communities where most of us have very little awareness of the real truth of the experiences of people of the other gender categories in our family, in our communities, in our workplace, in our towns and cities.”
While men are often shocked to hear women’s first-hand accounts of discrimination, harassment and violence, women are often equally amazed at the breadth and depth of the pain men carry and have been taught to repress, Cynthia said.
“And then both women- and men-identified people are very surprised to see what our LGBTQ+ siblings go through in their lives as well,” Cynthia says. “We move through the fire in this work, but we do it as a community holding each other to be able to transmute those difficult experiences and move to the other side.”
Cynthia and Will believe that the gender wound is a root cause of virtually every manifestation of destructive human drama — from the intimately personal to the global. Their work with GERI aims to address societal problems at every fractal scale and establish a new form of heart-based civilisation.
“I believe that together, we can rebirth humanity by healing this wound,” Will says. “That’s my conviction based on what we’ve seen in these groups. And so our mission is to take it to scale at a larger level.”
I hope this dialogue will serve as resource for anybody seeking to bridge the gulf that so often divides women and men. It also provides invaluable insights into the art of facilitation from practitioners who’ve devoted their lives to addressing one of humanity’s oldest and most consequential forms of collective trauma.
See the show notes for details of upcoming GERI retreats.
Events and Courses
Join us Tonight for the Inaugural Session of Ecstatic Dance Twickenham!
Dr Genevieve and I are very excited to be staging our inaugural ecstatic dance event in Twickenham, southwest London, tonight, with DJ Josh Silver. Details and tickets here. Hope to see you there!
And thank you to Xavi Straw for this coverage in the SWLondoner.
A Year of Cyclical Ritual with Luka Faradsch
Luka Faradsch, a friend of Resonant World is launching a new Year of Cyclical Ritual, starting this month. (The above video is a clip from our conversation on Episode 24 of What Is Collective Healing?).
Luka will be leading an inquiry aimed at helping us to decolonise our underlying ancient rhythms by asking:
Where do I override my own rhythm in the name of productivity?
What becomes possible when I return to living and working in rhythm with land, moon, and body?
What wants to be planted, grown, harvested or composted?
Knowing Luka, this will be an incredibly nourishing and inspiring space infused with deep feminine and earth-based wisdom. Highly recommend. Details here.
The Art of Communication with Danny Cohen
Danny Cohen, another friend of Resonant World and guest on What Is Collective Healing?, is opening a new cohort of his foundational 10-week Art of Communication course on Monday.
Having studied alongside Danny for years now, I can attest that he embodies the principles he teaches. He has a way of communicating in charged situations that — if more people knew how to do it — would rapidly transform life on this planet. If you’re looking for ways to stay compassionate, related and grounded even when you’re struggling with triggers or confronted with challenging behaviour, then this course is a goldmine. Another top recommendation from Resonant World!
If you found this post valuable, I’d be very grateful if you would consider becoming a paid subscriber, which confers membership of the Resonance Council of core supporters, and helps Resonant World to thrive. Thank you!
For more on the 5,000-year timescale, see Will Keepin’s comments in the podcast linked in this post.
